back in the saddle

Today I got back in the saddle for the first time in 2 years. It was not amazing, but at the same time it was.

I say it wasn't amazing not because I didn't have fun, by all means I had a blast. I say it wasn't fun because I realized just exactly how out of shape I've let myself go. My ankles were hurting, my butt and back were too.

I also realized that my self confidence in the saddle is gone. It probably didn't help that I was on the largest horse I'd ever ridden at 17.1 hands he is a big ol' boy.

By the end of the ride I was feeling a lot more confident and was picking up on some of the more advanced techniques that I had as second nature two years ago.


I hope this is the first step in the right direction for me.

getting back in the saddle

Two years ago I lost sight of my dreams. I was training with an Olypmic prequalifying trainer. She was amazing. I was training to go to school at SCAD (Savannah College of Art and Design) and begin in their bachelor's of equine program. They ride h/j and compete on many different levels. I am a large girl and I always have been. My mother and I took a road trip up to the college and I fell in love and was even offered my own horse for the program. I came back home and immediately began applying for ever scholarship and loan I could as the college was 30k+ a year. I got half way there with scholarships and couldn't get any student loans. It devastated me. I quit riding, started smoking (again) and just quit caring about myself. I had just suffered a break up with my high school sweetheart and (we'd been together since 2005.) and I just didn't see the point anymore. I took a full time job and quit going to school altogether. I never finished my bachelor's degree in business and just sort of gave up.

Since then I have gotten back with that high school sweetheart and we have even purchased our first home. We are getting married soon and things are going great. He has a new job making more money that we thought a single one of us could make (and he's the one with no college education!!). He has offered to help me pay for lessons again since we aren't ready to purchase a horse at this time. 

So I called the local barn of a trainer who has worked with Olypians such as Karen O'Connor and Leslie Law. She was very understanding of my situation (like I said I'm by no means small and I also have chronic back pain caused by my not riding horses if you can imagine that!). 

Needless to say I am very excited and I can't wait. I feel like life has finally decided to go in the right direction for us.

Groceries!

Ok first two stops no coupons involved since I went to two fresh local markets. Spent 100 on meat and 20 on produce!

We now have enough meat for almost 20 meals plus left overs!

Couponing again!

Ok so we are back on our feet. Things are looking good. So what better way to celebrate than to go get a couponing high.

Love my red hair

A little over a month ago I went back to being a red head and I love it. What I don't love
: dying my hair every 2-3 weeks and damaging the shit or of it. Thinking of going to henna dyes.

Migraines and suicide

I have migraines. I have suffered from migraines since I was about 15. I have more than a couple triggers. I know them but they still manage to find there way into my life. My husband after 9 years still doesn't understand the suicidal feelings. When you suffer from pain more intense than much anything else in the world all you can think of is how to get away from it. I have never felt so claustrophobic as when I'm in the middle of a bad migraine. I'm starting to fear a stroke. Or brain aneurysm. I'm sick of the pain.I'm sick of the misunderstanding.

Bleh

Been super sick. I barged so hard I threw myback out just getting any sleep at all last night was horrible. Considering I hadn't slept in damn near 24 hours you'd think I would have knocked right it, but no, my insomnia kicked into high gear. Barely escaped about 3 panic attacks. I blame it on all the stupid passion pills I've been taking for my back. I refuse to take any right now because I'm sure it made Wednesday worse. It was either a really bad migraine coupled with a panic attack or the worst case of good poisoning I've ever had. Either way I was pretty miserable. I told Andrew just wanted to die about 10 times, and truly I did. That was one of the worst nights I've had in over a year.

northern people in the south

Dear people from the North,

Please take your surly attitude back up North.

If I call you "honey," "sweetie," "sweetheart," "hun," or anything mildly related, take it as a compliment that I felt compelled to be overly nice to you. DO NOT tell me that "it's rude," because then I'll have to show you what rude is. I'll have you know that you are in the South, not the other way around sweetheart. If you would rather I call you bitch, since that's what you are, I gladly will.

-insert mic drop-

Signed,

Every Southern Person in Hospitality

easy going saturday

Enjoying a slow Saturday at the house with my hubby today. Waiting to hear back from Mom. Maybe I can finally get some girl time. I feel like I don't really have any girlfriends lately. My closest friend is too busy with the one friend that betrayed me in May, (dramaaaaa) and my only other chick friends are either broke or don't like to shop. I don't feel comfortable asking acquaintances to go so I'll just sit here for a while until I decide to go by myself or drag Andrew along,

I still can't type with my finger btw. This is getting really lame.

Wonder what time it is?

Could it be foo foos time?

Loser

I'm really going nowhere fast. My blog is a lot like my etsy.views but no bites. I'm going to just start doing this like a diary and you ass butts can just deal with my insanity. No one ever comments. Which in this day and age of internetting I find fucking bizarre. How y'all are ready for shut to get weird.

Etsy

I wish I could have just a touch more luck on etsy. Am I the only artist out there who is having a really hard time finding customers? People seem to love my stuff. I constantly stay at about 100 faves and over 100 views a month. Considering I don't have a following, I think that's decent. Any one feel like dropping hints please do.

Thrift shopping

I've been thrift shopping with the hubby today. Still amazed at how much better and cheaper my jewelery its compared to what's available out here central Florida...
Check out my etsy for done cool items. I will be adding a new line of adorable stuffed animals shortly.

brief break!

I will try to post more from my phone, but right now typing by hand at the computer is a nightmare. I haven't wrote in my book once. My back is still pretty bad and to top it off my index finger is broken.
I am hoping to get back into writing by the middle of next month, at least as far as typing on the computer goes. Right now I'm considering just writing by hand. I have been learning to cross stitch, I have finished two whole sets, and I am now embroidering some hand towels for Halloween. I will post pictures from my phone later.

August has not been my month, but it sure has been good to Andrew. He now has a new job with a pest control company and it holds a lot of promise for him. I see him being very happy in this job and he could even move up fast enough that I might be able to take a job with a little lower pay to work in a job I enjoy versus what I'm doing now. He will be cashing out his stock from Publix and we will be paying off all of our minor debt like credit cards. All that we'll have left is the mortgage and one car payment. I am so happy and excited for him.

I have one of my horseshoes on sale on my Etsy for $20 right now. Because this is the only place I am going to say this, if you send me a message on Etsy I will throw in a surprise with it for free. I haven't decided what it will be yet, jewelry or something else, but I'm trying to get my Etsy and my blog to take off, so I figured a little freebie might sweeten the pot a little.

Blessed be

Hailyx

Forced vacation

I'm just having the best time ever. I was boot by one of our dogs Thursday night. I have about 1/8 of a nail left my finger is spilt at the top and missing a small chunk.

My HR won't let me come back into work.

Everyone has a comment about my decision to not put down the dog that bit me.

I'm drugged out of my mind.

I can't stop crying.

I'm just really freaked out. No one will buy my damn jewelry. Even though everyone says it's great.

We're trying to sell shit from around the house that we don't need, but that's going over like a wet fart.

What I'm trying to say is....I'm one more bad day away from insanity.

le gasp

I'm still kicking around I haven't been able to do much writing because of my back being so bad. But now, you see, I have these wondrous drugs that allow me to be some what normal while I find a good Chiropractor.

So what's new?

My Etsy continues to rack up views and favorites, but still no orders :(.

My book has gained about another 500 words. (Yeah, it's been bad.) I haven't been able to sit and focus long enough to get any kind of a flow going so I just gave up until I can find a more comfortable answer to that problem.

We had our house warming part Saturday and Sunday. It was pretty excellent considering only one friend and our parents and family showed, but it's cool. I go to eat my delicious platters with Andrew and Crystal.

ok so i'm not so productive

I did get some major grocery shopping done today. Other than that I managed to cook dinner and a desert. I've also proofed a very, very small amount of my book. Hey you gotta be able to find that silver lining. I haven't been doing much writing on any part because of my back. It might be a couple weeks before I really go nuts with a long sitting. I'm hurting pretty bad and I have to get up like every 30-40 minutes to keep my back from completely shutting down.

Right now I'm about to go make sweet passionate love to my pillow...with my face....

so that writing thing i was doing...

It's been three days since I wrote in my novel! Ok so I'll be a good girl tomorrow. Today was just way to rough I could barely even get the basic stuff done with my favorite game. I'm like a zombie...

gonna be a good girl....

Ok so I gotta hit the hay like 2 hours ago. I gotta be up super early tomorrow for a whole department count. Not looking forward to that. I haven't wrote anything in my novel in two days now :( booooooo

But I've almost finished reading a novel in the same amount of time....Research, we'll call it steamy yummy paranormal romance research.

Don't judge me.

i love...home...

So I did 1k words last night, pretty good for me! I'm just getting home from work and I'm mentally exhausted. We hosted an event at our store today and on top of that I got to help customers out too. I feel like I ran circles all day. My hubby did come see me after lunch though :3 I felt so special.

So my game plan for tonight is going to be a loose one. I'm going to hope on Equiverse until I'm done playing with my virtual ponies. Then I'm going to hop back into my book. Maybe I can squeeze out another 1k words, who knows, I even amaze myself sometimes. ;D

argh

Ok, so today had it out for me! But I'm not about to let it win. I went to bed last night with a migraine, woke back up with it this morning. Noticed I was completely out of my nicotine patches. Asked Andrew to pick me up a box and drop them off at work for me on his way home. I took two Tylenol at 7 this morning. By 9 I still had the migraine so I took two excedrin migraine (getting desperate). Felt better until lunch so I took a BC, which refused to go down my throat like it should and instead it went up my nose from my throat. Migraine=a million times worse plus my nose is on fire. Go to the bathroom to potty and blow my nose in the hopes it stops burning only to discover my Aunt Flo decided to be a dick and completely ruin what was left of my day/week.

Gah.

At least I'm not pregnant....


But it shall not overcome me!!! Continuing to write in my book.

back to work

So, I had a lovely two days off. I cooked, cleaned, cleaned, and then cleaned some more. Didn't get any time to play with my plants, but oh well. I did however get to almost 2k words in my novel. Not a blaring speed for a novelist I'm told, but it's definitely a goddamn start!

and she's off...

Ok so I'm writing. Actually writing.

Like the first chapter.
It's real. It's happening.



Not as quickly and easily as I'd hoped, but it's happening and that's what matters. Just gotta stay strong and keep on chuggin. "Toot, Toot"

two in one day, this must be a record

Ok so after hours (read hour, as in 1 hour, 60 minutes) of self promotion on Facebook I got my Etsy up to like 11 views for today and 4 favorites. Gah. Would it kill someone to just buy my stuff...Please?! I'd like to pay the mortgage :D And possibly some food this week. :D

-in my most angsty 90s voice- "the world is a vampire"

So we're having a bit of money woes this month. We are still adjusting to our mortgage (this being our second mortgage payment) and tempers have flared between Andrew and me. I have basically told him he needs to get a better job, as I am trying to do. Retail isn't cutting it anymore and even though I'm making a good amount of money (I'm almost at 30k/year where as he is only at about 20-22k/year.)

He wants to say because he supported me while I was going to college, instead of us both going to college that this is why he does not have a good job. I believe it may be holding him back in some aspects, but you know what. I fought tooth and nail to get through college. I worked 2-3 jobs, and took care of my horse and him while I was going to college 2 nights a week. It took me 4 years to get a 2 year degree because I worked for it. Yes I had help from my parents and my Grandma and he helped pay a majority of the bills while I was doing what I had planned on doing since I was a kid. My parents helped me save for college since I was a rugrat. We did 4h and sold hogs, they made me a savings account. They tried to aim my stupid teenage ass in the right direction, they tried to mold me into a scholarship machine, too bad I was a stubborn bitch.

He on the other hand didn't have the opportunities I did. If he wanted to go to college he basically needed to figure that out in Freshman year and make all straight A's all the way through because from what he's told me they just didn't have the money to do the things that my parents did for me. And that's fine. Everyone has their things they need to take care of in life.

I don't think it's asking to much for him to just start putting in applications in at other companies. To start molding his resume, and perfecting his interview skills. He says I've de-emasculated him by asking him to get a better job. I didn't exactly say it the nicest way possible, but unfortunately he's not the kind of person you can say these things nicely to. He's always been that way, I've known him for almost 10 years now....I think I'd know.

So we argued all night. Griped at each other and went to bed mad. I tried to make nice, but he wanted to be mad, so I let him. He can be mad if it finally lights a fire under his ass to get out of this job he hates.

I decided to get mad at what's really the problem, my job. I've been putting in applications and resumes all week. I've been pushing my Etsy account. I've been TRYING to write in my novel, even if I'm not getting very far at least I'm trying! He wants to sit and play video games and watch t.v. and mope about it! I'm sick of the "woe is me" shit. Time to grow up. Call me a bitch I don't really care.

Ok so yeah we all know I'm bad at this but.....

Gonna try to make this a bit more regular. You know at least once a month.....


I am going to connect this blog with my Etsy in hopes of getting a handful more hits. I'm offering 10% off for Facebook users, but I'll offer the same here. Just enter Promo Code FB123.

So what's new with me??

Well I'm now living in my first home, that is I am now a home owner. I am trying to launch my Etsy and make some money off all these beads and buttons I can't seem to stop buying. Oh yeah and I'm attempting to write a novel. All on top of a full time job :D

I can do it. I have faith...shit someone's gotta.