Thursday, October 9, 2014
I say it wasn't amazing not because I didn't have fun, by all means I had a blast. I say it wasn't fun because I realized just exactly how out of shape I've let myself go. My ankles were hurting, my butt and back were too.
I also realized that my self confidence in the saddle is gone. It probably didn't help that I was on the largest horse I'd ever ridden at 17.1 hands he is a big ol' boy.
By the end of the ride I was feeling a lot more confident and was picking up on some of the more advanced techniques that I had as second nature two years ago.
I hope this is the first step in the right direction for me.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Since then I have gotten back with that high school sweetheart and we have even purchased our first home. We are getting married soon and things are going great. He has a new job making more money that we thought a single one of us could make (and he's the one with no college education!!). He has offered to help me pay for lessons again since we aren't ready to purchase a horse at this time.
So I called the local barn of a trainer who has worked with Olypians such as Karen O'Connor and Leslie Law. She was very understanding of my situation (like I said I'm by no means small and I also have chronic back pain caused by my not riding horses if you can imagine that!).
Needless to say I am very excited and I can't wait. I feel like life has finally decided to go in the right direction for us.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Saturday, September 27, 2014
I have migraines. I have suffered from migraines since I was about 15. I have more than a couple triggers. I know them but they still manage to find there way into my life. My husband after 9 years still doesn't understand the suicidal feelings. When you suffer from pain more intense than much anything else in the world all you can think of is how to get away from it. I have never felt so claustrophobic as when I'm in the middle of a bad migraine. I'm starting to fear a stroke. Or brain aneurysm. I'm sick of the pain.I'm sick of the misunderstanding.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Been super sick. I barged so hard I threw myback out just getting any sleep at all last night was horrible. Considering I hadn't slept in damn near 24 hours you'd think I would have knocked right it, but no, my insomnia kicked into high gear. Barely escaped about 3 panic attacks. I blame it on all the stupid passion pills I've been taking for my back. I refuse to take any right now because I'm sure it made Wednesday worse. It was either a really bad migraine coupled with a panic attack or the worst case of good poisoning I've ever had. Either way I was pretty miserable. I told Andrew just wanted to die about 10 times, and truly I did. That was one of the worst nights I've had in over a year.