back in the saddle

Today I got back in the saddle for the first time in 2 years. It was not amazing, but at the same time it was.

I say it wasn't amazing not because I didn't have fun, by all means I had a blast. I say it wasn't fun because I realized just exactly how out of shape I've let myself go. My ankles were hurting, my butt and back were too.

I also realized that my self confidence in the saddle is gone. It probably didn't help that I was on the largest horse I'd ever ridden at 17.1 hands he is a big ol' boy.

By the end of the ride I was feeling a lot more confident and was picking up on some of the more advanced techniques that I had as second nature two years ago.


I hope this is the first step in the right direction for me.

getting back in the saddle

Two years ago I lost sight of my dreams. I was training with an Olypmic prequalifying trainer. She was amazing. I was training to go to school at SCAD (Savannah College of Art and Design) and begin in their bachelor's of equine program. They ride h/j and compete on many different levels. I am a large girl and I always have been. My mother and I took a road trip up to the college and I fell in love and was even offered my own horse for the program. I came back home and immediately began applying for ever scholarship and loan I could as the college was 30k+ a year. I got half way there with scholarships and couldn't get any student loans. It devastated me. I quit riding, started smoking (again) and just quit caring about myself. I had just suffered a break up with my high school sweetheart and (we'd been together since 2005.) and I just didn't see the point anymore. I took a full time job and quit going to school altogether. I never finished my bachelor's degree in business and just sort of gave up.

Since then I have gotten back with that high school sweetheart and we have even purchased our first home. We are getting married soon and things are going great. He has a new job making more money that we thought a single one of us could make (and he's the one with no college education!!). He has offered to help me pay for lessons again since we aren't ready to purchase a horse at this time. 

So I called the local barn of a trainer who has worked with Olypians such as Karen O'Connor and Leslie Law. She was very understanding of my situation (like I said I'm by no means small and I also have chronic back pain caused by my not riding horses if you can imagine that!). 

Needless to say I am very excited and I can't wait. I feel like life has finally decided to go in the right direction for us.

Groceries!

Ok first two stops no coupons involved since I went to two fresh local markets. Spent 100 on meat and 20 on produce!

We now have enough meat for almost 20 meals plus left overs!

Couponing again!

Ok so we are back on our feet. Things are looking good. So what better way to celebrate than to go get a couponing high.

Love my red hair

A little over a month ago I went back to being a red head and I love it. What I don't love
: dying my hair every 2-3 weeks and damaging the shit or of it. Thinking of going to henna dyes.

Migraines and suicide

I have migraines. I have suffered from migraines since I was about 15. I have more than a couple triggers. I know them but they still manage to find there way into my life. My husband after 9 years still doesn't understand the suicidal feelings. When you suffer from pain more intense than much anything else in the world all you can think of is how to get away from it. I have never felt so claustrophobic as when I'm in the middle of a bad migraine. I'm starting to fear a stroke. Or brain aneurysm. I'm sick of the pain.I'm sick of the misunderstanding.

Bleh

Been super sick. I barged so hard I threw myback out just getting any sleep at all last night was horrible. Considering I hadn't slept in damn near 24 hours you'd think I would have knocked right it, but no, my insomnia kicked into high gear. Barely escaped about 3 panic attacks. I blame it on all the stupid passion pills I've been taking for my back. I refuse to take any right now because I'm sure it made Wednesday worse. It was either a really bad migraine coupled with a panic attack or the worst case of good poisoning I've ever had. Either way I was pretty miserable. I told Andrew just wanted to die about 10 times, and truly I did. That was one of the worst nights I've had in over a year.